At the Bottom of Nowhere

2011-11-02T05:16:00.000-07:00

stripedwall.com

nature

2011-11-01T08:11:00.000-07:00

I miss the woods and the lakes and the fresh air and the countless days spent in them. A tiny, tiny part of me will always be in the heart of towns.

favorite quotes, favorite books.

2011-11-01T06:13:00.000-07:00

That is part of the beauty of literature. You discover that your longings are universal longings, that you’re not lonely and isolated from anyone. You belong. -F. Scott Fitzgerald

It was love at first sight, at last sight, at ever and ever sight.Vladimir Nabokov

I swear by my life and my love of it that I will never live for the sake of another man, nor ask another man to live for mine Ayn Rand

Last night´s party

2011-10-31T10:05:00.001-07:00

EP1_2: Mannequin Skywalker from LASTNIGHTSPARTY™ on Vimeo.

We lovers never say goodbye.

2011-10-28T02:26:00.000-07:00

I am nowhere and it´s now.

2011-10-26T14:25:00.000-07:00

unknown

It´s finally winter. Last year seems so long ago. I used to be able to figure out where I was, where I was going. Now, all I have are empty words and wary, lusterless days filled with homogeneity.

2011-10-23T14:37:00.000-07:00

Berlin.

Woke up this morning and it seemed to me, that every night turns out to be a little bit more like Bukowski.

2011-10-22T06:02:00.000-07:00

days like this. like your day today.
maybe the rain on the window trying to
get through to you. what do you see today?
what is it? where are you? the best
days are sometimes the first, sometimes
the middle and even sometimes the last.
the vacant lots are not bad, churches in
Europe on postcards are not bad. people in
wax museums frozen into their best sterility
are not bad, horrible but not bad. the
cannon, think of the cannon, and toast for
breakfast the coffee hot enough you
know your tongue is still there, three
geraniums outside a window, trying to be
red and trying to be pink and trying to be
geraniums, no wonder sometimes the women
cry, no wonder the mules don't want
to go up the hill. are you in a hotel room
in Detroit looking for a cigarette? one more
good day. a little bit of it. and as
the nurses come out of the building after
their shift, having had enough, eight nurses
with different names and different places
to go -- walking across the lawn, some of them
want cocoa and a paper, some of them want a
hot bath, some of them want a man, some
of them are hardly thinking at all. enough
and not enough. arcs and pilgrims, oranges
gutters, ferns, antibodies, boxes of
tissue paper.

in the most decent sometimes sun
there is the softsmoke feeling from urns
and the canned sound of old battleplanes
and if you go inside and run your finger
along the window ledge you'll find
dirt, maybe even earth.
and if you look out the window
there will be the day, and as you
get older you'll keep looking
keep looking
sucking your tongue in a little
ah ah no no maybe

some do it naturally
some obscenely
everywhere.

Charles Bukowski

space

2011-10-16T05:24:00.000-07:00

to write, to cry, to read, to laugh,to fuck, to love, to dine, to drink, to smoke, to dance,to be, to live.

unknown

2011-10-13T02:05:00.000-07:00

elenakulikova

Your words were such a work of art

2011-10-07T00:38:00.000-07:00

davisayer

"Stay hungry, stay foolish."

2011-10-06T11:36:00.000-07:00

Young lovers never die.

2011-10-03T13:02:00.000-07:00

Y aunque sea extremadamente complicada, aunque sea infinitamente retorcida, aunque sea exageradamente exagerada, aunque tenga un cúmulo de cosas en la cabeza que se despilfarran en cualquier instante y de cualquier manera, aunque piense demasiado, aunque dude lo indudable, aunque recuerde lo que ya hace tiempo se enterró, aunque llore y llore porque si, aunque me duela lo que no hiere y se me transformen los ánimos en décimas de segundo? aunque sea capaz de cansar al más paciente. Aunque sea simplemente un caos general.

Tú y solo tú buscas el orden de mi desorden, me das la calma, los mejores sueños y las más dulces noches. Tú aguantas lo que parece inaguantable y me sonríes si te sonrió y me miras si te miro y me das un beso si te lo pido.

Y me quieres sin pretextos, y amas incluso mis defectos... y sabes, que aún sabiendo que quedan muchos años por delante y muchos caminos por los que perderme, siempre, evitare los que me alejen de ti, siempre estaré agobiándote? porque quizás tu eres una media naranja y yo la mitad de un limón o viceversa, pero mires por donde lo mires, yo nunca podría llegar a encontrar una mitad mejor.

Autor.

2011-09-29T14:44:00.000-07:00

Aaron Feaver

pronto.

2011-09-29T12:08:00.000-07:00

“Brindo a este amor, un amor tán raro”

2011-09-29T11:56:00.000-07:00

The Playboy Club

2011-09-27T13:34:00.000-07:00

ich liebe Berlin

2011-09-27T11:52:00.000-07:00

“Lead me on my dreams
among different time
and space.
To share hope with nations and believers.
To observe with
modesty the pure
truth.
And to reveal prudently the
magic and the mystery.”
Varda Carmeli

Summer 2011.
It'll be nice to see you again Berlin, December can't come soon enough.

Move, learn, eat.

2011-09-27T01:38:00.000-07:00

3 guys, 44 days, 11 countries, 18 flights, 38 thousand miles.

I'm outdoorsy in that I like getting drunk on patios.

2011-09-26T15:36:00.000-07:00

Sanniel knows how to capture a moment

2009-09-10T14:57:00.000-07:00

I love inspiration walls.

2009-08-31T04:44:00.000-07:00

2009-08-29T15:33:00.000-07:00

A road trip, that's what a need. Packs of beer, cigarrettes, friends, wind and the road. A nice little getaway.

2009-08-21T07:28:00.000-07:00

I want a lover and a friend.

2009-07-28T04:22:00.000-07:00

All good things are wild and free.

2009-07-27T11:04:00.001-07:00

"Nothing of me is original. I am the combined effort of everybody I've ever known." - Chuck Palahnuik

2009-07-26T13:52:00.000-07:00

I'm the moment between the striking and the fire.

at my absolute worst,
at my absolute best,
full of inspiration and agony.
Man, you got me burning.

2009-07-26T09:51:00.000-07:00

You always had to hold the reigns.

2009-07-25T13:44:00.000-07:00

And miles to go before I sleep.

Two years and counting.

2009-06-28T14:26:00.000-07:00

Le Smoking , sounds great right about now.

2009-06-28T13:53:00.000-07:00

I feel like a good book is the only thing that can spark a little inspiration.
I'm feeling nervous, scared, excited and anxious all at the same time. I often feel not good enough for what I'm set to achieve, I need to work on that. Let this week bring as much inspiration as possible, courage and wit to leave an impression behind.

" If you enter this world knowing you are loved and you leave this world knowing the same, then everything that happens in between can be dealt with. "
— Michael Jackson

I hope that was true to you MJ, RIP.

2009-06-27T03:36:00.000-07:00

These bitches are too fierce for their good.

via: Olsen Anonymous

2009-06-21T22:26:00.001-07:00

Seriously, you're such an asshole.

2009-06-21T08:40:00.000-07:00

Puedo volver. Puedo callar. Puedo forzar la realidad. Puedo doler. Puedo arrasar. Puedo sentir que no doy mas. Puedo escurrir. Puedo pasar. Puedo fingir que me da igual. Puedo incidir.Puedo escapar. Puedo partirme y negociar la otra mitad

2009-06-20T07:33:00.001-07:00

Dream wedding dress.

Wouldn't mind him either.

By: Ashley Garmond

2009-06-20T07:16:00.001-07:00

I was looking up at this man's beautiful photography and this reminds me so much of two friends!

By: Josh Goleman

I need

2009-06-18T07:07:00.000-07:00

to get the fuck outta of here.

to get my bestfriend(s) back.

to get some sleep.

to pass finals.

to buy something vintage.

to breathe.

London soon enough.

This is how it rolls.

2009-06-17T07:34:00.000-07:00

boy likes girl.

girl likes boy.

boy starts ignoring girl.

Did I miss something?

What's the best thing in this world?

2009-06-15T12:07:00.000-07:00

Coffee is more than a drink-it's an indulgence, a small personal ritual.

Seriously, even Starbuck's walls are inspirational.

I decided I want my walls of my room to be a collection of all this beauty.

Prize.

2009-06-15T08:41:00.001-07:00

Anne Boleyn thought only with her heart and she got her head chopped off. So her daughter Elizabeth made a vow never to marry a man. She married a country. Forget boys. Keep your eye on the prize.You can't make people love you, but you can make them fear you.

I could of never said it better myself.

I still get to be young and beautiful and cruel.

2009-06-13T14:09:00.000-07:00

Last night was one of the best nights I've had in a while.
I'm sure two bottles of sangria and a concert full of drunken Madrileños had something to do with it.
I danced to songs I've never heard of.
I flirted and held hands with a boy I'll never be more than friends with.
I was wild, carefree and nothing I've been in a while.
I remembered how I used to be.

Oh, summer nights.

For Allison.

2009-06-13T02:02:00.000-07:00

I can't think of all the nights I felt free in your bad ass sports car, there's just too many.
Or what night it really was where I found out who I was.
In those night, those drunken amazing nights, I found myself.
I found that enjoying life with my friends is an incredible high,
that those nocturnal hours remain without a price and will always be the greatest moments.
Sure, many nights will come, when we are older and can afford rum that's more than $9 a bottle,
but the first nights will always stay.

Everything is changing and people are leaving and it just won't be the same.
Lakeland will no longer be me home then, you guys made it my home.
It'll be a place on a map with strangers and an empty house.
I will miss Banana Lake and Bruster's and downtown dancin'.
I will miss hot humid nights and cute kittens and all that planning.
But, we will forever be the silly kids taking a break from this world,
taking a break from rules and consequences and doing what we do best, party.

All those fuzzy memories are unbelievably my most vivid memories.
Drunken friday night and hangover Saturdays were our ritual.
You're right, everything was absolutely right, almost everything.
And to think that we can't ever go back to that,
I get a dry ache in my throat and nostalgia sets it.
We were complete.
We were infinite.
We were every feeling I'm trying to aspire.

But as one door closes an other one must be open.
This is a new era in our lives, for you college, for me a new country.
There are so many things we have yet to conquer, and even though
we won't be a 5 minute car drive away, we will be a mouse click away.
So I guess that's something.
Yeah, it's not the same and seeing your pasty white skin is all I want right now.
But, we shared the memories that made us feel complete, that's a bond right there.
This blog make me feel in-tune with your feelings and problems, it makes me miss you a bit less,
especially when I need my best friend.

These lyrics describe everything I felt in those times.

I'm feeling rough, I'm feeling raw, I'm in the prime of my life.
Let's make some music, make some money, find some models for wives.
I'll move to Paris, shoot some heroin, and fuck with the stars.
You man the island and the cocaine and the elegant cars.

This is our decision, to live fast and die young.
We've got the vision, now let's have some fun.
Yeah, it's overwhelming, but what else can we do.
Get jobs in offices, and wake up for the morning commute.

Forget about our mothers and our friends
We're fated to pretend
To pretend
We're fated to pretend
To pretend

I'll miss the playgrounds and the animals and digging up worms
I'll miss the comfort of my mother and the weight of the world
I'll miss my sister, miss my father, miss my dog and my home
Yeah, I'll miss the boredom and the freedom and the time spent alone.

There's really nothing, nothing we can do
Love must be forgotten, life can always start up anew.
The models will have children, we'll get a divorce
We'll find some more models, everything must run it's course.

We'll choke on our vomit and that will be the end
We were fated to pretend
To pretend
We're fated to pretend
To pretend

They call me hell. They call me Stacey.

2009-06-10T08:11:00.000-07:00

Cobrasnake seems to really capture a good party.

Time goes by. So slowly time goes by.

2009-06-04T13:43:00.001-07:00

I like to think of why we do such and such. I ask myself eternal and probably unanswerable questions when I’m day dreaming on the bus or when a teacher gets too boring for my attention span, or when I get lost in the transition of what we like to call life. I’m just a thinker trying to get by.

My thoughts are basically a big run-on sentence, without commas, periods or any type of hesitation. Here I just think it and that’s enough, there’s no need to explain it to anyone. My own thoughts are my satisfaction. And when I get in too deep, there’s no way out. It’s like I dive into a pool of consciousness, where I evaluate and revaluate any and every decision that has come across my plate. It’s a place far from everyone, it’s my euphoric corner. It’s locked and I’m the key holder. I’m in control and there’s nothing I like more than that. I’ve realized during my little “escapades” that I hate not knowing what’s coming ahead, which is the reason why I have such an excruciating problem with change. The word change just scares me shitless even though it should be part of my wiring system. Regardless of that, I can’t even say it – scratch that– I can’t even think it without cringing and having every hair on my back spike up. It’s like I’m a threatened dog and a stranger has just trespassed my territory. At this point, I am literally spiralling out of control like a badly animated cartoon character.

Push comes to shove, I crave control, I like the feeling of knowing what’s coming ahead and knowing what to expect. It’s the reason why my whole thinking and rationalizing system is such a stress reliever. It’s my run away spot where I can let go and let it be. My life, along with every predicament, becomes distant and unreachable and all I have are my thoughts and power to create my preferred version of reality. There is truly nothing better.

Thank god for the young & beautiful.

2009-05-24T09:25:00.000-07:00

Don't worry.

2009-05-23T06:47:00.000-07:00

Rise up this mornin',
Smiled with the risin' sun,
Three little birds perched by my doorstep
Singin' sweet songs
Of melodies pure and true,
Saying', "This is my message to you-ou-ou"

Singin', "Don't worry about a thing, worry about a thing, oh!
Every little thing gonna be alright. Don't worry!"

Nostalgia

2009-05-16T03:33:00.000-07:00

I keep having this dream, the dream.
It's as vivid as a lost memory, vivid enough to become real.
Just not realistic enough to happen.
So we still remain the protagonist in my journal,
with all the obstacles in the world locking us in.
I remain the cliche within those ink filled pages,
and you remain undefined.
At one point it read:
We were all we had,
that's something more than most people will ever have.
That was when afternoons and dinners together were our religion.
It was when sitting in a parking lot in silence made us complete.
It was the climax to this story.
And it stopped with us clashing into a brick block.
There was no resolution, no ending.
The triangle of our storyline looks like a half completed pyramid,
with a straight horizontal on-going line.
It's an uncompleted story, with no chance of being published.
The true cliche is my love for you, which I declare everynight in my dreams.
One where you never answer back.
I will always love you and that's the problem.

Flowery.

2009-05-10T02:17:00.000-07:00

There is no way to happiness, happiness is the way.

Bro,

2009-05-07T13:55:00.000-07:00

talk about an agonizing obsession with vampires.

Robsessed?

I am getting nothing done.

2009-05-06T12:50:00.000-07:00

optimism level -10. cigarettes 5. calories 21038201 (I bought nutella yesterday). breakdowns 2. imaginary conversations 10 (today's been stressful). imagined myself punching someone in the face 5 (again, stessful day).

lowest low.

Oh dear God.

2009-05-05T08:58:00.000-07:00

I have no motivation left in me. Sitting there feeling like shit didn't help either. I am physically and mentally exhausted. Too bad I don't have a choice.

Humph.

2009-05-04T13:02:00.000-07:00

I want.

Paper Heart

2009-05-03T04:40:00.000-07:00

How can you not love this?

2009-05-02T13:46:00.000-07:00

oh baby baby, it's a wild world.

2009-05-02T03:49:00.001-07:00

I miss my polaroid camera.
I need to get it fixed.

At times like these,

2009-05-01T04:36:00.000-07:00

when I'm literally standing on the fringes of life balancing myself steadily between two threads, I want to curl up in a comfy bed and sleep until the sun comes up.

I want freedom and an escape.
I want love and security.
I want cool November nights and Starbucks coffee.
I need support.

I'm finding inspiration within this, and making my goals larger than life.
I know I'll get through this, I know we will.
I'm challenging everything I have ever known, everything that has existed in my world and everything that's holding me back.
In the meantime I want some answers, strach that, I need some answers.
All I can do at the moment is positives thoughts and some Starbucks.

Daily inspirations are what I truly look for.

1. Good people that do good things. After all, what's left in this world without them?
2. Books overflowing with adjectives, life lessons, and escape worthy plots.
3. Starbucks. It brings back 5 month old memories.
4. Myspace messages of lost lover willing to reconcile.
5. Magazines. Within them I find the goals that make me move forward.
6. Intricate tatoos. Pure talents transcended into ink.
7. Libraries. My divine escape.
8. Family.
9. Walking round London town.
10. Writing. There are just certain things I can't conjure up the words to say.

Will someone

2009-04-23T11:08:00.000-07:00

just please get me this?

Seriously,

2009-04-19T03:49:00.000-07:00

hot, hot coffee in the mornin' gets me thinkin' right.

I wish I could be at the beach, that's the best place to write.

I can do this shit.

Emily Dickinson is an inspiration.

2009-04-15T11:39:00.000-07:00

The lack of life she had, the wonders she wrote.
Makes me wonder what she saw.

Hope is the Thing with Feathers

Hope is the thing with feathers
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all,

And sweetest in the gale is heard;
And sore must be the storm
That could abash the little bird
That kept so many warm.

I've heard it in the chilliest land
And on the strangest sea;
Yet, never, in extremity,
It asked a crumb of me.

2009-04-07T06:12:00.000-07:00

Deep down it hurts so much knowing that you were consciously doing all of this, that you knew what you were doing, you knew it (I can't even stop saying it!). I can't wrap my head around this, I could of sworn you were better than this. Why aren't you better than this? Why couldn't you tell me the truth and kiss me on the forehead and tell me it was going to be alright? You promised it would, you promised you would.
So, the problem is that I'm back at square one, finding it easier to hate you than accept your apology. And frankly I'm quite content with my tactics, it's the only way I can control my self from sending you anthrax in the mail. Okay, I'm exaggerating, but really, where did you go?

You make me happier

2009-04-02T06:56:00.001-07:00

You do, you are my best friend, you are the light at the end of the tunnel. Reading about your day or your problems through your beautiful words and cleverly constructed sentences and poems that pour your soul out just make my day better.

I love you baby girl, never let a boy make you crazy enough to forget how wonderful you truly are.

Why is it?

2009-03-22T02:48:00.000-07:00

We spend so much time loving someone, thinking about them, wanting to spend every minute of the world with them and then we let go. Just like that, we let go. How can we do that? Invest so much of our selves and when it gets a bit too hard we act like it meant nothing? Why do we easily let go of something that meant so much? And the worst part of letting go is that we never live to tell "Hey I gave it my best...". We hide and run, run away from our hearts, run away from our conscious. We go where the road takes us far away, so far we can't look back. We go where we can bury ourselves with so much we don't even dare to look backn and when we do, our hearts ache a bit less. The inevitable comes around and on that walk everynight, we ask ourselves "What happened?", we just don't know. Fear took over us and it was easier to let go than to face it, because facing it would really mean there was something wrong. At that point we don't give a damn.

Something I will never comprehend.
How can you give someone your all and take it away? Just because you are afraid of facing it. Just doesn't seem fair.

:)

2009-03-17T12:18:00.000-07:00

I miss the

2009-03-15T23:22:00.000-07:00

cuddlin' and the snugglin', the naps together, holding hands around town and kisses on the forehead. Yeah, the forehead kisses, I really miss those.

Hello.

2009-03-15T02:07:00.000-07:00

It feels good to be wanted and happy and okay. It feels good for it to be okay. For those 4 hours nothing mattered and nothing ever mattered. It's like I can fold the past behind in my back pocket, erase the worries of the future and have nothing but what's infront of me. I was happy, and it wasn't the drugs talkin.

“Why can’t we get all the people together in the world that we really like and then just stay together? I guess that wouldn’t work. Someone would leave. Then we would have to say goodbye. I hate goodbyes. I know what I need… I need more hellos.”

Some coffee

2009-03-13T15:03:00.000-07:00

is always sounds good when you need to clear your mind.

Criminal Minds, The O.C. and Skins marathon. Just what I need, a de-stresser.

What a beautiful day!

2009-03-13T08:32:00.000-07:00

God has listened to my prayers and sent a warm sunny day.

My skin hasn't felt UV rays in a while, it makes me feel warm and happy, and from the sound of it I'm guessing birds are pretty stoked on this too, they haven't stopped chirping since the sun came out. Days like these make me want to walk for miles in this mysterious city, with a cigarrette in one hand and coffee in another. I want to walk and walk and pretend I am all I want to be and have nothing leftover but blisters and clear mind .

I want a cute british boy with an accent to steal my heart, cupcakes with vodka shots, and an adorable kitten to take on walks.

A love to be a victim of my conscious.
It doesn't get cuter than this.

Ofcourse, you can't ever get enough sushi.

Where I want to be right now.

Nights we lived.

2009-02-23T07:46:00.000-08:00

We would smoke and drink and feel so infinite.
We laughed and sinned and broke boundaries.
We felt so wild.
This was so long ago, I can barely recall the day.

We sat on rooftops and saw where heaven met hell.
We would judge the shitty town that closed us in.
We saw our dreams through these drunken nights.
That's how we found trouble.

We found ourselves and wrote our futures.
We sang and lived for the moment.
We were careless young souls.
There was so much wrong, it was right.

We would tumble in at the break of dawn.
We would feel the breeze interwine our fingertips.
We drove faster than our broken minds.
These were the nights we lived.

We would tuck away our fears and drive into the sunrise.
We would not even remember our own names.
We lived for this euphoric high.
This was our escape to freedom.

We were infinite.

I miss the moments

2009-02-21T07:36:00.000-08:00

that made my knees buckle at the sound of your name. The way you looked at me, the way no one else ever hard. Your glossy, high eyes fixated into mine. The hazy gaze that made everything alright, even if tomorrow would be the end. The end of beautiful dawns, selfish lies and unconditional love. The truth we both knew, but could never manage to put into words. It still lingers in my mind, I wish with all my might I had the chance to tell you out loud. A whisper would even do.
That wouldn't change a thing.

We love, we learn, we change, we grow while stealing hearts and having a good damn time.

I just want to know

2009-02-14T08:53:00.000-08:00

that everything is going to be okay. I want to know that this will stop and everything will go back to normal. Even if it's a lie, a sense of hope is all I need, at least to get through this. I need to get past these next few months. Burying myself in work is all I know, and all will get me through this.

Mess mess mess mess.

2009-02-04T10:03:00.000-08:00

Yesterday is history.
Tomorrow is a mystery.
Today is a gift.

Current goals:

Stop being a pussy and talk to him already.
be independent!
Do incredibly good on IGCSE
Get 720 Euros.
Get a job.
Get a life.

Yeah, I need some help. Especially number 4, and 3 and 1.

I could die for you. But I couldn't, and wouldn't, live for you.

-The Fountainhead

Really,

2009-01-30T09:11:00.000-08:00

"the saddest thing in the world is loving someone who used to love you."

What's going on?

2009-01-18T13:53:00.000-08:00

I might overreact,
be paranoid,
a bitch,
and certainly not perfect.

And even though I hate these things about myself, I hate even more the inevitable affection I have towards you.

Oh my,

2009-01-12T12:08:00.001-08:00

“Happiness is the meaning and the purpose of life, the whole aim and end of human existence.”
— Aristotle

This picture made me melt.

It keeps on comin'

2009-01-09T13:26:00.000-08:00

Here are a few things I wish to do with YOU at some point in this lifetime:

-Be your best friend.
-Get caught with you in the rain.
-Spend all day with you doing nothing.
-Watch the sunset together
-dance with you in the rain.
-moonlit walks on the beach
-go on a carriage ride through central park.
-feel your heartbeat
-discuss current events in a heated debate
-give you space when you need it.
-do a crossword together
-eat ice cream in a winter night.
-go for a walk at dusk together.
-hold you and gaze into your eyes and realize how much you mean to me and tell you.
-blindfold and take you somewhere romantic.
-give you a back-rub just because…
-go roller/ice skating together.
-laugh at someone together.
-share a plate of your favorite’s meal.
-gently run my hand across your cheek and look into your eyes.
-talk to each other using only body language.
-have our first fight and make mad, torrid love, in the midst of all that passion.
-go on a fun vacation and bring back the kind of memories movies are made of.
-count thunder together during a thunderstorm.
-know you better than you know yourself.
-watch a bad movie together.
-plan a tree in our yard together.
-look over at you during a family party and have you know without me saying a word- that i love you.
-go on a road trip across America.
-know you better than you know yourself.
-go the museum together.
-hold you when you’re at your sadness and comfort you when you need when you need it the =most.
-be the one you come to for that comfort and holding.
-made love to you passionately.
-be one with you.
-wipe away the days stresses and issues,with just one hug/kiss.

I can be quite the romantic.

Snowfall.

2009-01-08T08:31:00.000-08:00

When everything feels like the movies, yeah you bleed just to know you're alive...
-Goo Goo Dolls

Seeing my first snowfall was breathtaking. The way the snow falls like clumps of powdered sugar, the way it melts on your nose making it red and numb, and how it just melt at your fingertips. It's all pretty unbelievable for someone who has been used to tropical, scorching weather.

Deep down, I'm a pessimist, I must be the world's most optimistic pessimist.

I am also so scared of the future, living in the moment should be my new year's resolution. I find those to be like Lent, it doesn't go farther than 2 weeks.

Oh, how I want the UV rays and heat of summer.

Ten things I miss:
1) Salt and Vinegar chips.
2) Aimlessly looking for plans on friday nights.
3) Constantly holding his cold hand.
4) Taking pictures while walking around the lake.
5) My white comforter and purple room.
6) Tuna sandwhiches, apple turnovers and Baby Mama on summer days.
7) The most comfortable bed in the world.
8) Naps on Friday afternoons.
9) No music on morning drives to school.
10) Goodwill, fake car accidents and chocolate chip pancakes instead of Cadiz.

It's 2 a.m.

2008-12-28T22:41:00.000-08:00

and at this point I should be considered a masochist.
How dare I?
There's no one to blame but myself.
I guess I will never know, it's who I am, strong will power isn't really one of top qualities.

Most importantly, how dare you?

Merry Christmas.

2008-12-24T16:51:00.000-08:00

“ And the Grinch, with his Grinch-feet ice cold in the snow, stood puzzling and puzzling, how could it be so? It came without ribbons. It came without tags. It came without packages, boxes or bags. And he puzzled and puzzled ‘till his puzzler was sore. Then the Grinch thought of something he hadn’t before. What if Christmas, he thought, doesn’t come from a store. What if Christmas, perhaps, means a little bit more. ” - Dr. Seuss

(.)

Leave it to Mr. Seuss to tell us the real meaning of christmas.

Dreams.

2008-12-23T00:18:00.000-08:00

"There are so many things will never happen to me again, and I never even noticed when those things stopped occurring. And this does not mean I wish I had my old life back, because I like my new life better; I was just shocked to discover how much of what used to be central to my existence doesn’t even matter to me anymore."

- Charles Klosterman, Killing Yourself To Live

I am always one step ahead of myself, thinking what will happen tomorrow, what could of happened today. I want tomorrow to come faster than today has gone, and for it to be better than today went. I blame dreams for this predicament, for I am never fully content with what today has been.

.
"To accomplish great things, we must not only act, but also dream; not only plan, but also believe." - Anatole France

All things considered,

2008-12-19T21:02:00.000-08:00

This new everything can't come soon enough.

Whatever you vividly imagine, ardently desire, sincerely believe, and enthusiastically act upon... must inevitably come to pass! -Paul J. Meyer

Everything is being held together by a string.
Tempations pulling from each side.
You are the puppeteer.

& currently obssesed with Jen Stark and her wonderful creations.

Oh, how I love you Chelsea.

2008-12-15T10:23:00.000-08:00

What I've been Missing all Along.

2008-12-14T13:04:00.000-08:00

I can't wait to get out of here. But at the same time, as I sit back and see what's around me, I never want to let go. After 9 years, they are all here, with the same smiles, the same words of wisdom, with just a few wrinkles to prove the hardships the years have given.

Everything seems to change in this world, from the way you dress, whom you admire, to the way you perceive the world, but family never does. At least mine doesn't. I feel like I am 7 again, before I said goodbye to the world I knew so well. I am back here again, days at the beach, late nights reminiscing memories and stories I know by heart, with the people I love and would give my life for.

There's nothing quite as comforting as family, and you don't realize it until it's become a missing chunk out of your life. No matter what I've done, the mistakes I've made, the lessons I've learned, they are all here, without a raised eyebrow or a reprimanding remark.

9 years is a long time, too long for anyone. I'm so thankful for what I've got. So, scratch that, this is what I've been missing all along.

Among the unfortunate, there's some good.

2008-12-13T20:17:00.000-08:00

I will never make mends for what I had to leave behind, I can only hope to make a better life, or atleast, a runner up.

Here's to a new life.

Ay me voy otra vez

ahí te dejo Madrid
Tus rutinas de piel

Y tus ganas de huir

Yo no quiero cobardes

Que me hagan sufrir

Mejor le digo adiós

A tu boca de anís